Healing The Inner Child
By Mary Kate, 04/30/2016
The Inner Child is the part of us that is free, fun, likes to play, create and express fully who were are without holding back. It includes our child-like aspects and much of what the human part of us learned and experienced during our childhood.
Many people have trauma from their childhood that goes unhealed, and as a result, they carry this pain into their adult life. Common examples of childhood trauma are physical, sexual and emotional abuse, neglect, poverty, abandonment and not being accepted. When a child is not shown by a loving adult or lacks awareness through personal discovery that these experiences were not healthy or appropriate, the Inner Child...
suffers. As a result, many will try and create or plug in to new situations in order to redo their childhood/family experience and fill this painful void, with the hopes of ridding themselves of their unhealed trauma. However, if someone is lacking awareness with the Self, this can develop into a bumpy ride as the adult is being led by the unhealed Inner Child who is desperately seeking to be seen, heard and healed from the past, while also lacking trust in others and seeking to feel safe and secure in the now.
A common way people try and get rid of their pain is by using external means through other people and relationships. Often without awareness they are trying to replace their painful negative experience and feelings associated with them with a new and improved version. Many people do this through romantic relationships. For example, the person grew up with a mother who did not nurture or protect them. Perhaps they witnessed their mother being physically and emotionally abused by their father and then their father starts to abuse them. The role of the mother is to nurture and protect her children but in this case it does not happen. Then those children go on to not receive this love and nurturing from their care givers and they carry the pain with them into adulthood. From there they try and recreate their family childhood experience through their romantic relationships. They may find a person who is not abusive but also not a good match, but they settle since they believe that recreating an environment without abuse is all they need to be happy and to erase their past. In other cases, they may direct their unhealed traumas to their new relationships and become the abuser, all the while seeking a different family experience and trying to soothe the pain of their Inner Child. Whatever the external expression, the core issue is these souls have not self-healed and are looking to their external vs. internal world for a solution to their healing.
Often times, people skip important steps in their personal healing process, such as acknowledging the truth of what happened to them, taking an honest look at how they justify the behaviors of their caretakers and abusers, learning what healthy relationships actually look like, forgiving their abusers, forgiving themselves, and releasing the pain. For those souls who are present and awake, a final part of this process is seeing the beauty and wisdom in their painful experiences, being grateful for their teachers (i.e. abusers) and experiences and gaining depth and wisdom as a result.
Many of my previous blogs touch on this concept, so here I go again. The most important relationship you will EVER have is the one with the SELF. Another important awareness piece is that you can’t have a healthy relationship with others until you have a healthy relationship with yourself. This level of self-discovery and awareness can be challenging as many people prefer to avoid this and attempt to stay safe in relationships, even when they know they aren’t healthy, they know they’re settling or they have awareness that they are repeating an unhealthy pattern. However, the illusion of “being safe” takes over and they avoid their own personal growth and healing by staying distracted and pretending they are happy and in alignment with their Authentic Self.
In order to start the healing process for the Inner Child and live in alignment with your Authentic Self, you must live in truth, be honest and let go of your irrational fears. This may mean being alone for some time or ending an unhealthy relationship or making other changes that cause some pain and discomfort. However, when you invest in the expression of your Authentic Self you get more of that, are happier and attract others who match this energetic vibration. True healing starts with self-honesty, then doing your personal work thorough multiple levels of awareness and living in this truth.
We all experience pain on different levels in order to learn and grow from our experiences. Many of us experience trauma and abuse during childhood in order to teach us how to be our own “I-Mom” and learn how to give ourselves what we did not receive from our caregivers. The beautiful part to this is once you understand this in your heart (it’s not a left brain concept) then you will always know what you need and how to give this to yourself. Your Spirit/Soul always knows your truth and will continue to give you nudges, signs and messages when you are off course, so when this happens, simply trust and listen. When you do, you’ll probably notice your Inner Child will be dancing, singing and wanting to play and feel nothing but love and joy! Get rid of your distractions, excuses, old stories and patterns and listen to the voice of that little girl or boy inside of you and allow it to guide you to a healing that is complete. You deserve to receive unlimited unconditional love but first you must learn how to give it to yourself in all ways.
Much love to you!
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