FINDING A NEW NORMAL
Greetings! It’s been awhile. I find myself immeshed in day-to-day life rather than getting on the internet as much. I am moving my body more, rather than sitting and writing or reading. My mind is super quiet so it leaves me with little to talk about here and I haven’t known what to share anymore.
For years, I spent every bit of my free time soaking up spiritual writings and listening to all the teachers and channelers I could find. I would go to bed, put on one of my favorites, put in my ear plugs, and fall asleep listening to a channel or meditation. I was constantly in my head, trying to evolve and clear out the mess of my life, striving towards some goal of a completely healed, totally-connected-to-spirit human. This was years of striving, of working on myself every single day, even on my breaks at work when I would read my latest spiritual book. I was always doing.
With the help of the teachings of Personality, Awareness, and Body that Eloheim (via Veronica Torres*) brought out in the past couple of years, I have gradually let go of that drive. They showed me that most of what I was doing was Personality driven. If I do this, then I would be a good little Lightworker. If I worked on letting go of that emotion or that habit, I would be more evolved and a better person. In truth, I would simply be a better Personality. Well, let’s just say, what I did was worth the effort because I am totally different than I used to be, but that’s not the goal anymore. There is no goal anymore.
I am at the stage where I don’t want to even think about things. I don’t want to contemplate how to be a better person. I don’t want to dive into the reasons why I or others do or say something.
There are many things I don’t even want to do anymore, places I don’t want to go to, and many people I don’t want to be with or engage. Social media I now recognize as a minefield of Personality and negativity, and I am very choosy as to how I take part.
And I really, really don’t want to listen to others tell me how to live and how to be, including channelers and teachers.
I just want to BE.
I repeat, I just want to BE. Not think, not contemplate, not wonder or worry or solve, not do, and not discuss. And I definitely don’t want to read about or listen to how to do any of those things. It’s a vastly different space to be in and I’m still getting used to it.
My mind is typically quiet these days. I can quickly quell the sticky, unhelpful thoughts if my mind decides to act up, recognizing that it’s Personality trying to stick her nose in again to see if I’ll listen. I then turn back to Awareness (Soul, Higher Self, Source, God, whatever term you prefer) as my guide, away from my noisy, messy Personality. She’s no longer in charge. I do things as they come up, when I am subtly urged to do them. I am aware of the bigger picture when things happen and I trust in the guidance I feel. It’s a simpler place to live, actually. The Brain-Personality combo has been overrated as my main source of guidance. Balance works for me. My brain is useful but it’s not the be-all, end-all anymore. As a sidenote, the pandemic has solidified this state of being.
So, this means I am on any kind of media or internet far less often than I used to be and that my mind is not always busily planning another writing session. This one, for example, was not on my “to-do” list today. I don’t even know how I got here (laughing), but here I am! I do love this space, despite not visiting it as often as I used to. It’s been my sacred space for years, my personal growth log, my place to share what I’ve gone through and the things I’ve learned in the process. What I am inside these days and how it shows up is taking some getting used to. The old tugs of “you should be doing or thinking” are not there, however, I definitely don’t plan to give up sharing. Everything we’ve gone through as a collective, especially this year, has shifted everyone, including me, and I am, as we all are, finding a new normal.
Love to all.
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